Finding typos right after saying yes to print 4000 exps of books. No cancellation allowed. I feel like a sinner. Or worst—a dumb creature.
Hari ini sejarah, kali pertama naikin cetak dua novel sekaligus. Belajarnya banyak, stress-nya juga banyak. Seneng, sih, kali pertama masuk kredit sebagai penyunting setelah di buku pertama kemarin cuma co-ed. Tanggung jawab juga di gue kalo kenapa2 (ketok meja) karena isi di luar tanggung jawab percetakan, walau jujur gua lebih takut sama hasil fisik daripada materi ketik. Ternyata “don’t judge a book by its cover” nggak sepenuhnya berlaku di bisnis penerbitan. Mana tadi revisi sampul terakhir mepet banget deadline. I hate deadline that I used to love because of what happened today. Sigh. Gak lagi-lagi, Kak.
Satu lagi yang gue cemasin adalah penjualan dan agaknya ini balik ke selera pasar. Semoga sampul dan sinopsisnya cukup untuk bikin orang penasaran dan splash some cash on them. Terus sinopsisnya gue yang bikin, tanggung jawabnya jadi dobel. Ternyata segini harganya recognition that I thirst for. Insecure ya kalo ngelempar karya mentah gini. Apa gue bakal suka sama sinopsisnya kalo gue liat itu di toko buku? Ngritik gampang, bikin yang bagus bisa gak lo, Nids?
Tapi kata Uncle Ben, with great power comes great responsibility. Diliat dari responsibility-nya sih jobdesc ini jauh lebih besar dari yang beberapa bulan lalu itu. Alhamdulillah, anggap aja level greatness lo naik, Nids.
Bismillah, doanya kali ini semoga cetak ulang dan syukur-syukur bisa ekranisasi. Aamiiin.
"I will be your
7 AM sleepy kisses
8 AM French toast
9 AM rushed goodbyes
10 AM love calls
11 AM daydreams
12 PM lunch notes
1 PM new email
2 PM coffee break texts
3 PM reminiscent thoughts
4 PM longing
5 PM drained love
6 PM post-work hugs
7 PM dinner companion
8 PM wine bottle
9 PM tango
10 PM readying for bed
11 PM bedtime stories
12 PM Midnight Sonata
1 AM confessions
2 AM heavy snores
3 AM morning sex
4 AM driftless sleep
5 AM frenzied fantasies
6 AM rapturous sleep
I will be your
Yeah, I feel that way. These two months I spent my time judging, editing, revising those people’s writings. I miss writing on my own. I miss subtitling too sometimes but life goes on and I gotta be strong.
I know that my East Borneo traveling review ain’t finished yet. I haven’t written anything about my Bogor trip with my nouveaux collegues. Not a single word about my birthday—hey people I’m now 23 and single and I’m okay (or not, whatevs). And last week-end I witnessed the most enjoyable Paragita—student choir at my uni—annual concert ever. And many little yet significant things that might happen in my life recently.
But then again, the classic story. The more you need to do, the less you manage to get done.
I just feel like I wanna write. And however this is a writing (sorry, I’m not sorry). Sorry plans, I’m not commited to you. Maybe next time.
DISCLAIMER: An old story I wrote years ago. Just like the one titled “Apres Un Reve” I posted in other place, this one was based on another random dream I tried to rearrange into a short story. And just like another random dream, people I know in real life bumped into each other under my subconscious mind even though they barely knew each other. Unlike the previous one, I wrote it in English because guess what? In this dream people did talk in English hahaha. But don’t dare asking me about who is who. Anyway, hope you enjoy this one!
It was a new semester. It was a late afternoon. It was raining. And stupidly my umbrella wasn’t with me. But I didn’t wanna lose the train so I just ran as fast as I could to the railway station. I thought all my friends had left but suddenly a car honked me. I knew it’s Raras’.
“Get in!” she shouted and I hopped in without asking. I sat on the back seat, Radit was sitting beside her.
“Where were you all this week, Ray?!”
“Campus, I guess?”
“We didn’t have any single same class this semester. It’s insane. Already missed you like crazy, Ray,”
“There must have been something between you and Romeo, that’s the only thing that’s gonna make you miss me like crazy, Ras.”
Raras laughed. “You know me so well, Ray, we have to drop Radit at his crib first then we’ll talk on our way home.”
You guys got bro code? We girls got ours as well. “Sorry for the inconvenience, Dit. Girls’ stuff.”
“Inversely, Ray, I thank you. Or else I’ll be forever in this stuff. Thanks for releasing me from this kind of suffering!”
“Go get a girl or else I’ll be forever counting on you for all my stuffs. You’re home already, by the way….”
Radit smiled. It’s sort of a smile that could light up this whole town, the smile that Taylor Swift mentioned in one of her songs.
“Be careful of what you wish for, Ras. You’ll be missing me when that day comes. Thanks for the ride, anyway,” he high-fived her then opened the door and said to me, ”See you tomorrow, Ray! And be around, hardly find you lately, bro.”
“I thought you had my number if you really really wanna be around me, eh?”
Three of us laughing. But deep inside my heart, mind and soul were busy deciphering Radit’s words. Hardly find me lately? Why the hell did he search me at the first place?
He got into his house. I moved to the front seat. She drove and started talking about her relationship with Romeo. My phone beeped. A text from…
Yeah I had your number and I REALLY wanna be around you LOL. Lunchtime 2morro. No excuse.
Those butterflies suddenly filled my tummy.
“Why never tell me that you liked him? Was I too stupid not to see those signals?” Raras said to me on the telephone—without even saying hello first.
“Whoa whoa whoa chillax, Ras.”
“Chillax? Tell me how! I was the one who’s busy flirting with him and you’re the one who gets the guy. How am I supposed to chillax!”
I never imagined this kind of conversation. “Errr, are you mad at me?”
“Am I mad? My two best friends are now together and you asked me if I’m mad? Yeah, of course I’m maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadly happy for you two!”
Today is our graduation day. I know that today is the last day of our ‘game’.
I see him approaching me and I smile. “Finally, Ray.”
“Yeah, game over.”
“I did enjoy it, though. Thank you for playing.”
“My pleasure. Break up on the graduation day, how pathetic.”
“The choice is yours, Ray, if you don’t mind I’m ready for level two.”
I’m perplexed. “Level two of what?”
“Of our game, I guess?”
I’m shocked. Radit asked me faking a relationship to keep Raras away. Just until we graduate, until he can keep Raras away by himself since we’re not in the same ‘playground’ anymore. But it now seems like he wants to extend.
Seeing me standing in silent, he initiates to explain, “Look, I am trapped in my own game, Ray, I don’t wanna lose.”
“You. I don’t wanna lose you.”
I’m confused. Is he confessing his feeling to me or what? “I’m confused. Are you confessing your feeling to me or what?”
He laughs. “Sort of?”
I smile. “It’s not like I’m seeing anyone else, though.”
His eyes stare deeply into mine. “So?”
His hands hold mine tightly. I should feel happy. Graduation and a real boyfriend. But weirdly those butterflies don’t fly today.
It’s been 3 years since that memorable graduation day. I’m now a host of a traveling program on TV and Radit is so into his work in a book publishing company which is also Raras’ office. Unless one of them decides to resign, they’re trapped in the same playground for the rest of their life. Don’t worry, Radit and I are still together and Raras has married Romeo. Moreover, I’ve never seen Raras as a threat of our relationship. She’s a friend of ours and—remember—the very first reason of our relationship was to keep Raras away.
It’s been 3 years and I don’t know how we should let it roll. We stay at the same level and I’m bored. I start doubting this relationship, one thing that I should have doubted since graduation day, since those butterflies didn’t show up deep inside. My mind is wandering while my phone beeps. A text.
Pick you up at lunchtime. There’s something we need to talk about.
Yes. There’s a lot we need to talk about, Radit. Finally the time is coming.
A kiss on my cheek opens our long conversation. “How’s your day, Ray?”
“Good. It’s decided that I’m going to Hungary within two weeks and I’m gonna stay for another two weeks—”
“Whoa whoa you must have forgotten something, Sugar.”
I know. His birthday. How could I forget? “No, I will always remember your birthday.”
“Maybe you forget that we have a plan on that day? I’m supposed to talk about it now.”
“I need a break,” that’s not my mouth speaking, merely it’s my heart being tired of all of these stuffs. And seeing his are-you-insane-or-what expression, suddenly my head takes it over, “I think we need a break.”
Still, he remains silent.
“Well, it’s not your fault. It’s ours, or maybe it’s purely mine. I took you for granted, Baby. At the graduation day, I should have told you since that day. I was giving us a try and it’s been 3 years.”
He closes his eyes and respires. “I have been being convinced that you love me.”
“I do. I just doubt if it’s the love that I want,” I continue, “I need to convince myself.”
“By running away from me on my special day? How MATURE you are!”
“No, by staying away when all I should do is stay around. Look, I said I took you for granted. I need to be convinced that I can still feel you, I need to miss you, I need to be able to kiss you like we never kissed before, I need to hug you tightly like I never let you go, not even an inch from my side, I need—”
“OK, Ray, I get it.”
A long silence happens until the waiter brings us what we ordered. “I lose my appetite,” he said.
Those words are the last words I hear from him. Until the next four weeks.
After a week of traveling around Hungary, my producer said that all is done. It didn’t take as much time as we thought before. He asked us, the team, if we wanna go around until next week as we planned before but I said no. I preferred to go home earlier, to catch Radit’s birthday. Yes, being away from him for 3 weeks straight gave me such a strange feeling inside. Whatever it was, I knew I was missing him. Sometimes we need to kinda lose something to know what we got. I got him and I wanna get him back. A lil surprise on his birthday would be a perfect trick.
Got ‘no one’ to share his happiness, he’s gonna spend his birthday and night working. That’s what I read from his twitter account. I smile and I’m glad those butterflies fill my stomach again. Why the fuck did you go for so long?!
I will show up in midnight, bringing a large pizza with candles on it—he doesn’t like cakes. His favorite, extra sausage and extra cheese. I cleaned up all the make ups, put on my very casual clothes and pick my sneakers over heels—he once said that he liked me that way. I take a cab to get there, for I know that we’re gonna get home together on his car. The clock strikes midnite when the elevator opens. I’m just steps away from his room.
I open the door and there he is.
Oops, no. There they are. That bitch is staying in his arms. Yes, that b-word refers to Raras.
“Surprise,” I blow the candle and the party’s over. I run back to the elevator. Radit chases me and he succeeds holding the button. Just the two of us.
“I didn’t expect to see you here now.”
Such an excuse for what you did?
“But of course I’m surprised, I mean, literally surprised,”
Of course you’re surprised!
“And please, trust me, it doesn’t seem like what you might think,”
He holds my hands. “Let’s go home.”
“I’ll take the cab.”
“In this kind of hour, are you crazy? No, I’ll drive you home.”
“You said that you’d like to spend this night working, whatever your work is—I don’t care and I don’t want to disturb. Go back upstairs, your work is waiting.”
He laughs. How dare you!
“You know what? This is the first time you act this way. I’m somehow flattered.” What the hell did he say!
“Thank you for being jealous, Sugar.”
At this point I know that he just won my heart. And vice versa. And tears suddenly stream down my face. And with no command, I hug him so tight like I never let him go, not even an inch from my side.
"There are so many exceptionally good books with strong female characters, but not nearly enough, and boys are not encouraged to immerse themselves in them. How many people would never consider buying Anne of Green Gables or Island of the Blue Dolphins for their 10-year old boy, but don’t pause before giving a daughter Treasure Island or Enders Game? Books featuring girls are, for the most part, understood to be books for girls. Which is interesting as well because, in addition to there not being enough, books featuring girls as protagonists are disproportionately among the most frequently banned children’s books. In a recent Buzzfeed list of 15 commonly banned books for kids, almost half were about girls. Girls who do things apparently scare a lot of people."
"You will be stupid. You will worry your parents. You will question your own choices, your relationships, your jobs, your friends, where you live, what you studied in college, that you went to college at all… If that happens, you’re doing it right."Ira Glass (via stay-ocean-minded)
I’m doing it right, then :”)